London they say is a lonely place. I beg to disagree. You just need to find where the party at! (I’m on a roll today! #Jagged Edge).
So I have been single for a while. I would always meet these same guys at Nigerian parties. Same old song. Either not my type, married or into one shady business or the other. I desperately needed to broaden my sphere. So I decided to share a flat with people from different backgrounds. This opened me up to new experiences, foods, cultures and most importantly for me at this stage, love interests.
This was all good until one day I was on the train and I saw an ad by eHarmony stating I could find forever on their app. My spontaneity kicked in so I downloaded the app. The premium placed on the app meant the riffraff’s were warded off.
I met a whole lot of interesting people including someone who works directly with Theresa May the now Prime minister of the UK. He had all the receipts(we went on a date but that’s not the subject here today).
Online dating 101
Online dating was really fun but mehnnn! the prep time etc. And because I was starting to date people from all backgrounds, I didn’t want to put off some of my prospects by looking too ethnic considering it was only the first date.
Being a Nigerian girl with my Nappy hair to the power 10, I needed extra effort.I had to buy a new outfit each time, get my nails done and other grooming activities.
The excitement was real.I got so many offers for dates that I stopped shopping for food at home.
Then on one fun day, I decided to set up 3 Dates on the same day. One for breakfast, the other for lunch and the last for dinner and drinks.
One was White British, the other Nigerian and the last Spanish.
The benefit of my approach was that I got to kill 3 birds with one stone. One hairstyle, one outfit, onetime grooming.Efficiency at its best. It was one of the craziest things I’ve ever done. I was on overdrive.
On a side note, when online dating, make sure to give yourself a time limit say 1 hour. You need to set the expectation that you have something to do. Why you may ask? If you don’t like him, you only have to deal with it for one hour and if you do then you would have whet your appetite for the next date. Either which way you win.
My White British Date
On the first date, we sat out in the sun and decided to have a very light breakfast with red wine at the end(Don’t judge me! it was 5 pm somewhere in the world). He really liked me and went on about how he could not place my accent. I’ve gotten that a few times so came as no surprise.
He asked me to take my shoes off and relax and came over to give me a shoulder rub which was one of the best I’d ever gotten. It was so romantic and sweet of him. He shared stories of how he coached Richard Branson and some other celebrities at tennis as he was a tennis coach at a well-known fitness space.
He also shared stories of his time living with his Ghanian friends family and how he would smoke weed every day and eat loads of African food.
I noticed a trend on all the dates I went on. I always seemed to have great conversations and they end up making me stay longer than I would like to. But today wasn’t the day. My next dates were about an hour away so I needed to wrap this up!
The massage ensued and I had to break it to him that I needed to go shopping with friends which was obviously a lie (God forgive me!). To that, he says, “So shopping is more important than finding your life partner?” I was like what? This shit is getting deep! I left much later than I was supposed to. My Nigerian date was already calling. By the time I got out of there and rang him, he believed I was going to stand him up but I convinced him otherwise.
My Nigerian Date
Since it was a Nigerian restaurant we were going to meet at, he asked what I wanted to eat. Nigerian restaurants would normally take a while to get the food ready so he might as well order whilst waiting. I asked him to order me my favourite whole fish ( head and all ) with plantains and yam. This meal takes an hour on average to prepare regardless of the Nigerian restaurant you order from in London. He was so polite and did that. I arrived about 2 hours late. I’m usually on-time to things but being the first date, it was hard to convince him that I wasn’t the late type. The White Brutish guy just wouldn’t let me leave. My experiment was still on track thus far as my Nigerian date waited for me to arrive.
He is a medical doctor with very few words. Then he played the “I want to settle down with your card (Girls don’t buy this line because when you are a woman of a certain age, that’s what they know you would like to hear so they will put that front and centre to reel you in).
Then there were talks of marriage as we left the restaurant whilst holding my hands. He offered to drop me at home(I wished he wasn’t such a gentleman at this point.Dropping me off at home would make my journey to my next date 30 minutes longer). But I couldn’t bring myself to get him to drop me at my next date. That would be cruel!
Luckily enough, I had time in between the 2nd and 3rd date so I was able to touch up my makeup and head out shortly after. I have to tell you, at this point, I was 100% knackered. I was like what the heck did I get myself into. All I wanted was a cold shower and to sleep on my super cosy bed after being overfed at this point. But I’m a girl of my word so I garnered the strength and left the house again.
My Spanish Date
We met at the train station. He was so lovely but I knew straight away with this one that it was not going to work out but he smelt so good and was super polite.
We went to a vegan restaurant and I ordered a vegan burger with fries and a cocktail. I know what you’re thinking. Yes, more food, I never turn down good food. There’s always space for more. My date made me laugh so hard that I was in stitches. He gave me hilarious stories of his past African girl and the typical African drama she brought to his life. He also told me about the Asian girl he was seeing and how she gave him some bull story that she was going back to her country and will be back shortly. The next thing he saw on Facebook was her on stage. I was like on stage? Doing what? Is she an artist? He said no. She was on stage at a flamboyant Asian wedding all dressed up and getting married! I cracked my ribs mehn! This guy was so animated! I had an amazing time!
He wanted to see me again and I know he wanted more. We stayed in touch for a while but I knew it was leading nowhere and hence called the whole thing off.
Did I find love?
Just so you know, I didn’t quite end up with any of them. The British guy said I made the worst mistake of my life by turning him down as he was certain we were a perfect match.
Just when we hit things off, the doctor was given a new role with the UN and was posted to Switzerland. I wasn’t down for a long distance relationship.
And yeah my final date didn’t work out either.
On the whole, I would never do this again but it was really fun and I have a crazy story to tell which I have now shared with you.
Let me know if you have a story crazier than mine. Hit me up in the comments below!
Xo , Deutina.